February 28

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Love Is A Verb

By Odyssa

February 28, 2021


Many of you know that 2020 was THE BEST year for long-distance relationship couples, ha. 

People like me patiently wait and make these restless days as productive and creative as ever. If my selfish desire is to be granted, all tourists should be allowed to visit the Philippines by now so my partner can finally come. 

But this is not the case, and that's not likely to change in the next few weeks. This it the 3rd trip that's he cancelled and we're extremely disappointed. 

Being in a long-distance relationship, as I always say, is difficult. No one wishes to be in one. Even Mark Manson says it: 

Sure, you know something of their personality and their attractive qualities, but you don’t know the full reality.

It's a risk that only the committed must take. If, at the start, there's an alarm going in your head saying this person can not or will not see things through with you, don't even start. You're digging your own grave. 

What I found to work really well for us is a bunch of small things. Traces, reminders, and spontaneous little nothings. 

Things that, when done properly and consistently, send one big message of care, love, and gratefulness. For a moment, these things erase the disappointments.

Photo by the author

The 'stuff' that makes up fights and arguments will always be there, but how we resolve and work through them in our significant relationships - with family, work colleagues, community and partners - teaches us to navigate better.

Then the 'stuff' comes up again, but you've made 1% improvement 3 weeks ago, so now you have some tools to work your way through.  

It is in relationships that we see who we really are. Not when you are alone. -Esther Perel

The 5-10 minute video call 'check-ins' to see how the weekend is going.

Sending a random 'I love you' in the middle of the day. 

Doing acts of service because it will save them time.

Lessening your plastic use by bringing your own bags to the market.

Making a warm meal for the rainy day.

Recommending a brilliant and relevant book to a fellow bookworm.  

Saying 'good morning' to your neighbors as you walk your dogs.

Admitting your mistake right away. 

Small things we can easily disregard and forget to do.

Consistency over intensity. -Simon Sinek

While grand gestures are great, it’s the simple acts of compassion, kindness, and humility that mean more. We can love greatly with simplicity. 

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I recently published an article about using mantras to improve relationships. A mantra is meant to be spoken, but when accompanied with the right intentions and actions, they're powerful. 

May love surround us every day, in whatever form, shape or distance.

Odyssa

About the author

Odyssa is a writer from the Philippines. She is the author of Like A New Sun Rising: A Collection of Poems on Love. When not working or writing at home, she's out walking their dogs. She enjoys traveling, practices yoga, gets lost in books and Korean drama. To her, making time for a daily practice or ritual is the best gift to one's self.

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